I heard it again the other day. On Netflix. A mother speaking to her daughter, explaining that the reason a boy was teasing her in school was because he liked her.
When are we going to stop saying this?! Boys don’t tease girls because they like them. They tease them because liking girls triggers painful, unhealed experiences that have left them too wounded to be able to directly express feelings of affection, to simply say, “I like you.” Boys tease girls because they feel scared, embarrassed, ashamed, and confused, and have learned that teasing is what one does when these feelings arise.
I want us to stop telling girls that boys tease them because they like them because I want girls to stop thinking that they need to be okay with things being said or done to them that they don’t like being said or done to them, particularly by the boys, and someday the men, they are close to.
I want us to stop condoning the teasing that boys do because I want them to have the opportunity to heal whatever hurts they are passing on with this teasing and to reclaim the full range of emotional expression that would enable them to be vulnerable, gentle and kind when they experience affection for another child.
I want us to be more careful with our words because telling girls that being teased is a compliment is on the same spectrum as saying that a young black man was killed because he was wearing a hoodie (rather than because the person who murdered him was acting out of racist hatred/fear). It places the burden of responsibility on targets of acts of violence, deflecting it away from perpetrators.
I want us to pay attention to the little things that we do to contribute to sexism, racism, and other forms of oppression for these are things that we can change and because by changing them we can help to create a better world for the next generation of little girls and boys.
Thoughts and Such 